And jokes

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.

What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.

What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.

I’m a clown...

And everyone knows.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?

They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.

Yo mama is so fat, a rogue shadowstepped her and got a loading screen.

Stephen Hawking had pins and needles and got told to walk it off.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.

If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.

I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"

Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.

(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.