And jokes

Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.

I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.

As a fellow emo, I find these very rude and disrespectful. Please take off, or I'll tell Mom.

Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby, please tell me (I'm asking for a friend).

P.S. I have no friends.

What is the difference between me and cancer?

My mom did beat cancer.

What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?

I don't know. I forgot.

What is big, black, and hairy? It's a gorilla with a machine gun.

What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?

Both stare off into space.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?

My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.

What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”

Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”

I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.

Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.

What's the difference between a piano and a fish?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows. No body, nose.