And jokes

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?

"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?

Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.

What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"

Way down South: "You awake, mom?"

What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?

Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!

I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)

What's the difference between you and an orphan?

Nothing.

I gave a blind man a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?

The fridge actually runs.

I hate life, and I'm gay.

Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?

There used to be two but now there's one...

What is yellow and does not float well?

A school bus.

One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.