And jokes

DARK ALERT********

A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.

DARK ALERT********

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

What is cold and alone?

An orphan's parent.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?

I haven’t banged a hooker.

Guess what you get when you cross a dark side and your king?

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I have a traitor friend, and that is YOU.

Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

Why have there been so many deaths around the world?

Trees and ropes.

My mom is bad and my dad is bad.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.

But it would just crash and burn.

When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.