And jokes
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Memes
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
GIVEAWAAAAAAY!!!
Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it? And yes, Iβm giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Donβt get BLOCKED!
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.
And your IQ is 5.
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany.
HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
What has 8 heads and no legs? A monster.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.