And jokes

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"

The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."

If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.

Now ain't that cool?

An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

Hello Watersharky, I am Koge.

I see your songs and want to be your agent. Please write back about this offer. Thank you.

"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?

A Tyrannosaurus Tex.

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.