And jokes

What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?

God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.

Yo mama is so fat, she jumped into the air and got stuck!

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers and the middle one's for you.

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?

The ant knows where home is.

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.

The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?

You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.

What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.

What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?

They both get a lot of crack.

A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.

The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.

The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.

The statistician shouts, "We got him!"

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

What's the difference between women and men?

Men have rights.

What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.

What do strippers and butter have in common?

Both spread for bread.

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?

They are both legless.

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...