And jokes

I like my girls like I like my wine.

12 years old and locked in my basement.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

What is similar between sex and fishing?

It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.

What is a threesome with 3 guys?

Gay sex and a witness.

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you're the one!

What's black, gold, and red all over?

Tupac in Vegas.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?

She gagged and took it like a champ.

I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

Q: What's black, white and red all over?

A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.

What's long and not very hairy?

The conga line at the cancer department.

I believe in a woman's right to choose...

...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.