And jokes

I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?

But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.

Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.

The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.

Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"

What goes in soft and comes out hard?

Gum, you whore!

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.

The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?

'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

Bully: You are a piece of shit.

Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.

Q: What's red and screams?

A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

"Fucking cracker and you smell like fish!"

When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.

She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.

I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.

KA-DOOM-CHA!

A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"

When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.

YEEEHAWW!

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?"

The bartender responds, "For you, no charge."

I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂