And jokes

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down.

You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.

How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.

What’s red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?

A frog in a blender.

I just want to say this...

You have NO maidens, (Explosion) No homies, (ExPlOsIoN) And no—please don’t say it! Rizz 😎 (EXPLOSION)

Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.

Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.

Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?

It had nine shots and seven chasers!

What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?

The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.

POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."

George Floyd: 3 years sober, drug and alcohol free.

Did you all hear about the newest gay celebrity couple? Yeah, John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn.

What is red and puts out fire?

What is 6 inches tall when bricked up and is loved by women?

A strong man’s biceps.

Why is 10 afraid?

Because he next to 9 and 11.

Why were the UK and the USA bad at chess?

Because they lost their queen and two towers.

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.