And jokes

"ADHD is brainless and autism is braindead."

If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.

🎵 BEAVER BEAVER 🎵

LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA

I'm walking down the street with a bag of dildos, beryllium, and a butt plug.

Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

What did President Ford say when he met Betty?

"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."

How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?

He spoke softly and carried a big stick.

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?

Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!

If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.