Like if I am emo
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus
Tell rumors about me but please don't say am in love relationship
I am not telling you twice your mouth stinks so go burns your house down like a crazy mad women and I will call the cop like WTH because you are so fat
Why do- wait, what am i saying, what am I talking about?
Hi everyone today I am taking requets for anything u want me to say
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
I am the danger
So many things are going through my head
How am I not dead yet?
I am Marios Brother
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them saying "God will surely save me."
The medical team tries to help him but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B**** I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.
Neil before me.
Hi are you even my sister.yes I am. No you not because you never even existed as my sister
3 guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet and the psycho one says "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have"
The first guy says "Ha! My girlfriend has 6! I'm racked up!" The second guy said "Eh, I am happy with 2 balls" The third guy said "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says "Bro you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?:
Roses are red, bow down to your master, children are fast, but I am faster
Roses are red, I am Groot, Honey?,l Where's my super suit!!??
Aren't you going back home now? No I am going back home
Teacher:i am a orphan Students:oof Teacher:is there anyone missing Students:your parents
