Allergy jokes

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.

Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.