Allergy jokes

I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.

One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

I'm hertophobic -

aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.

What sandwich spread makes people itch?

Flea-nut butter.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.

Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.