Allergy jokes

What's bad? A nut allergy.

Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!

When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳

What sandwich spread makes people itch?

Flea-nut butter.

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?

...Ollie the clown!

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

What did the tissue wear?

A shoe.