All jokes

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

Because they're all about those DENTAL GRILLS!

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?

Because all they can do is mandate.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

"Yo mama so fat when she got buried it took them all the trees on Earth for her coffin."

eBay is so useless.

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

I wish you were a soap, because I want you all over me.

Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."