Aliveness jokes

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.

I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.

There were three men, and two of them died.

The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"

What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."