Aliveness jokes
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Yes, Stephen Hawking is alive.
YEET!
Stephen Hawking is ALIVE!
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.
I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."