There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.
Agriculture Jokes
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
Two cows were hiding.
One said: "Moooo."
The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
Potatoes
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
What happens if you sit under a cow?
You get a pat on the head.
What did the cow say every morning?
Good moorning!
What do you call a bad bull?
A bully.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken had 4 chicks and a cheating hen who all sucked out all his money he got from his extremely boring job, and he finally got some peace for himself and was going to the local bar, which was on the other side of the road.
He walked in the door, wings sagging, feathers catching on his claws. The bartender eyes him as he sits on a bar stool. "Chuck, how ya doin'? The missus doin' good?"
"Just give me the hardest stuff you got. I'm done."
This caught the bartender by surprise. "Chuck, come on, don't be sayin' that. Just look to the future and you'll be fine."
"What future?" Chuck replied in a huff. "My wife and chicks are so goddamn pestering sometimes, you know? But if I leave, they'll all suffer, and I don't want that either. Oh, God, Phil, I don't know what to do."
"You know, you've got a good heart for a rooster your age," Phil answered. "We need that in these parts. I'm tellin' ya, there will be more than what's happenin' right now, ya know, life's got all its gears turning for ya, and there's just a bit slow right now. The gears haven't been oiled in a while, but who's the only one who can fix that?"
Chuck knew the answer. "Me."
Phil returned with his drink. "McClucken's Whiskey, on the house."
Chuck glanced at his glass. He held it up to the light. His face reflected in an aura around it, neither looking forward to the light and not backward, either.
"No thanks, Phil," Chuck sighed, "But thanks anyways."
He went to get up out of his chair. Phil called as he walked out the door, "Just remember to oil the gears every now and then, eh?"
Chuck's comb flapped in a cool breeze brought in by the season. A bench was nearby, staring across to the other side. And he just sat there, sat there thinking. Cars blurred to a colorfully colorless nothingness as he thought in silence.
He could see an open window in his mind, full of chickens: a sassy hen, two identical sportish chick; another, older than the two, and body bristling with blue comb-dye and the latest thing he watched online fresh on his Chickstagram page; finally, the first of the bunch, shy, bookish, with a secretly courageous soul. They all looked... worried, worried for the rooster who guided them, helped them grow, supported them... and all looking out of the window back at him.
A single tear welled in Chuck's eye.
The chicken walked back across the road to his family, to his friends, and to the life he was content with.
I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.