Advice jokes

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."

I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.

Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.

Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.