Accused jokes

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

I'm shocked about Donald Trump escaping the transgender accusations. Trump is more talkative than any of the popular girls I went to school with! Not to mention Trump's tweets...

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.

Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.

Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?

He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.

My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?

Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.