I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Wade
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”
Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha...”
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Arik? (Not a joke.)
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
So, gender equality is the a woman can do anything a man can right? That they should be treated the same? So therefore if she swings on me, I could punch her into the twin towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
Gays: I like men
Strait: I like women
Bisexual: a hole is a hole
One day a kid walks up to there mom and asks whey is my name daisy? The mom's reply is because when you were born a daisy landed on your head. The second kid asks why is my name butterfly? The mom's reply is because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head. Then you hear ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf. Shut up brick!
Boy goes to Confession Boy: "What are you doing father?” Priest: "Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it.” Boy "Why do you say that father?” Priest "Cause my hand is getting tired..”
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
