Shower thoughts

My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?

Sells the wheelchair.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

Did jesus die a virgin?

Nah he got nailed...

Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?

Because Black people can’t swim.

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity.

What’s the difference between Batman and the Black Panther?

Batman returns.

What’s worse than banging your sister?

Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.

What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?

Not sure, I just fly the drone.

What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

What bee doesn’t fly properly?

Kobe.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75