What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
Shower thoughts
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?
Tequila Mockingbird.
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? Nothing she was hung over
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
Roses are red violets are blue. I have five fingers two of them are for you.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
What is the difference between Batman and Black Panther? Batman returns
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?
Malaysia Flight 370.
What do you call a fat chick with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.