I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What is the New York fireman's favourite song....
It’s raining men
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I ́m still choosing." She looked horrified.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
what do you call a ice skating dwarf?
a midget spinner
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Boobs are like friends you have big ones small ones real ones fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"