What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
Shower thoughts
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."
What do you call a general neutral person who is lactose intolerant non-bi dairy
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
If you're in Alabama family reunions are basically speed dating events.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
What’s the best part about plowing your cousin?
-It makes your sister jealous
Why can't science be combined with religion?
Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them