I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
Worst Jokes Ever
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "The guy in the middle's a dick!"
Why the "hell" is this here?
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
What's a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
Fuck all y'all hoes!
Your forehead is so big Mega Mind gets jealous.
Are you a rope? Let's hang out by a tree and drink :)
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
How does the cheetah do in every race?
It’s always a cheetah.
Why can't an orphan watch the movie:
It was family rated.
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
