Worst Jokes Ever
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach
Why crack your fingers when you can finger your crack?
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
What is smegma name?
Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Orphan who needs a parent!
What is speedrunner's favorite type of food? FAST FOOD!
Which one fell first?
The depressed kid or the feather? Look at 1st comment to see answer.
Who is king of the pencils?
The ruler!
Why did the Lego cross the road? He was on the wrong block!
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.
I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.
What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?
Criminals are wanted.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?