The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?
A: A family portrait.
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.
When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
Rangers are a joke.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.
I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
You're so weak, someone breathed on you and you flew away!
You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
Old ladies are non existent.
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
What do you call basketball for disabled people?
Rocket League?
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
Roses are red, The forest is bushy, OMG did you just cum in my pussy?
