911 jokes
911 help. Hello?
Never mind, forget it. You're so stupid 😡😡😡😡😏
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
Balls.
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?
"9 Juan Juan, who this?"
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni pizza, and all they got was plane.
Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.
666 + 420 + 911 + 21 = ?
Do it in calculator.
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?