11 jokes
1, 2 look at your shoes.
3, 4 they look better than yours.
5, 6 you have no friends.
7, 8 you look like a ape.
9, 10 don't you like men?
11, 12 hell naw I like females.
9/11
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
Why were the Twin Towers mad during 9/11?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead got plane.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't make a 9/11 joke?
9/11
This is so sad, can we hit 50 likes?!
9/11, am I right?
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:
12 tap ins
11 pointless dribbles
10 fixed league titles
9 missed penalties
8-2
6 dives
500 million robbed from Barca
4 UCL semi losses
3 times he blamed Higuain
2 retirements
And a transfer to a farmers league.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"