Yours jokes
Q: What do you call a tsunami?
A: Your mom's water breaking.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Hi, I hope you’re
What is your address?
How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"
"No, it's 26."
"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."
"You're missing one more."
"I'll give you the D later."
"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."
"COVERBITCH, your worthless."
You're a big Z!
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.