You're jokes
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.
Two windmills were standing in a wind farm. One asked, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other one replied... "I'm a big metal fan."
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?
10 dicks up your mom's ass!
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're adopted!"
Your mom stinks.
That is my joke.
You mom doesn’t really stink.
I know I am stupid. 🤕
Q. What's red and crawls up your leg?
A. A homesick abortion.
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
What is your car's name?
Write 317537 on your calculator and turn it over to spell "Leslie."
What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What is your name?
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!