You're jokes
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
Your hairline is what caused the Great Depression.
Your hairline and your forehead must have a lot in common because they go waaaaaaaayyy back!
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"
Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.
Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.
What’s the length difference between your hairline and Saturn? Nothing.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.