You're jokes
I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"
Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.
Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.
What’s the length difference between your hairline and Saturn? Nothing.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
Your forehead is so big, Mr. Clean thought he would hire you!
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?
Still being in the orphanage at 13.
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.