You jokes

What do you call a train that carries glue?

A glue-glue train!

How do you blind an Asian?

Put a windshield in front of them.

Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!

What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!

I'm evilest-evil man.

"Yes, you are," scared guy.

No, me, it me: Evil super evil boy!

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

No, you!

Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with Down syndrome yesterday. You should try watching it on catch up... "Watership Down."

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

U were accidental.

What do you call a communist?

Braxton.

Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.

Why do people have sex?

Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"

I can't handle these puns...

But I can HAND you some puns!

Budum tiss!

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.

What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

Pokémon!

A kindergarten teacher asks her students, "Do you know any words that start with P?"

Little Timmy responds with, "Elmo."