You jokes

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

Have you seen my uncle?

Jesus: I have.

God: Me too.

Bob, why are you kicking the kids?

What, it's not like they have a home to go to.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

You.

You who?

Who do you see over there???

What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?

A family portrait!

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

Lionel: Leona, please no more singing your annoying Fuzzy Bear song!

Leona: But I love my song, right Fuzzy?

Fuzzy Bear: I am going to bite you for not letting your sister sing my song!

*Fuzzy Bear bites Lionel*

Lionel: AHHHHHHH

What do you need an apple because you got an "izzy?"

What did the wall say to the wall?

"Meet you at the corner."

"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.

I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!

How do you spell "I. P. With U?"

The police: Pull over!

The kid: Do you know who my dad is?

The police: What, your mom did not tell you?

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.

What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.