Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
You Jokes
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he's not coming.
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said, "No, you won’t return it."
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
What do you call an orphan when he's taking a photo?
Family photo.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.
And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?
I was wearing a mask and told the teacher I ate her vagina. She said what? I pulled my mask down and said, "No, I said I like your hyenas." Then a kid sees me do it, but he only heard the first part, so he goes up to the teach and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight." She said, "Pull your mask down," and he pulls his mask down and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it hard enough.
🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.
No, not like you can ketchup!
Okay, I'm so sorry, Alya, and Drew. I didn't mean to say that you guys were stupid and cringy. I mistyped. Can you guys forgive me by any chance? I'm so sorry :(
