FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."
You Jokes
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.
What do you call a one-legged Asian?
Tie Won Shoo.
What do you call a fucked up mullet? A fullet.
Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.
Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call two Mexicans playing ping pong? Juan on Juan.
What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
What do you get when you goblin with a shark?
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
