You jokes
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
You call it a school shooting.
I call it an unfair shootout.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
"Aren't you going back home now?"
"No, I am going back home."
What did the farmer say to the pig? "You snout to believe it!"
What do you call a terrible bus company?
Stagecoach Highlands.
You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
Do you know why 10 was scared? Because he was between 9/11.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Disabled.
Hello. What can I get you? A knife, mustard, Marella, gorilla?
What do you call a kid going fast on a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard?
No, and neither did she.
What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
What do you call an orphan who became a priest?
Father-less.
I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.
Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭