You jokes
Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.
Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.
Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
What did the tower say to the other one?
I will see you later; I am about to get hit.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.