How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
You Jokes
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?
Homeless.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
