Woods Jokes

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What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

What does a stick say when it falls down- Wood you help me up

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest, the boy said “I’m scared” the man said “Why are you scared I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone

What’s an emo kids favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!

The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says "I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"

What's the difference between the woods and a hooker? Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!

I had morning wood one day then my sister saw and said I can help

Why did the orphan go to the woods. To take a.

what's a wood peckers favourite kind of jokes.

knock knock ones

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When I see two lovers name on a tree I don’t find it cute or funny, I think why would they be bringing a. Knife on a date.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck chuck could chuck wood if you woodchuck on the world with that you have a really deep in and he says goodbye when he says goodbye you like if you

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood His hand caught on fire

What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.

For a golfer, tiger woods isn’t very good of a driver

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

The cold winter night there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men where gay but they did not know. Fili: Fili. Kili: And Kili. Fili and Kili: At your service. Kili: You must be Mr. Baggins. Bilbo: No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house. Kili: What?! Has it been canceled? Fili: No one told us. Bilbo: Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled. Kili: That’s a relief. Fili: Careful with these, I just had them sharpened. Kili: It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself? Bilbo: Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that? Dwalin: Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand. Kili: Mr. Dwalin. Balin: Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in. Bilbo: Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste! One of the Dwarves: Get off, you big lump!

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. it was a bar seat. they where able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it