Wish jokes
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
I'm gonna finally put a stop to the fucking drama. I saw people bullying other people for years; Gwen was not the only one. No longer will I put up with this. No longer will newcomers. For God's sake, just do jokes! Please! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don’t even know each other, but we're still going through this same fucking shit every fucking day! Just make jokes, people! That is why it’s called “Worst Jokes ever” not “Bully people forever.” So shut the hell up and get to joking! Jesus! The only reason why I came here was to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread hate and foolishness from people who don’t even know better things to do but to hate on stupid strangers from different parts of the fucking world!!!
“Addison, fuck off already, you're only 10 years old. What do you know?” I might be 10, but during my time here, the tragedies and horror I've experienced on this website have shaped me into someone more mature, able to share this wisdom. And if you're gonna laugh at me, spit in the face of me and my generous teachings, you will fall. I swear to God, I will make you wish you could never feel pain. But that would hurt me more than you. Please, stop the drama. That's all I ask. Together, we can make this website great again, like it once was.
Coworker, why is Sara so blue?
Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.
Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.
Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.
I wish you guys all died.
Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.
Man: I wish for more wishes.
Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.
Man: I wish I could.
Genie: ......
Q: I wish my grass was emo.
A: Then it would cut itself.
Top 1 best football player 🏈 in the world.
“The guy who tackles the Make-A-Wish kid!”
If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.
Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.
The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j
Joe, I wish you had never asked me to scout for a fresh tight end.
There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.
The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”
So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.
The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.
The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.
While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”
1. Full name: John.
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
They cut deep.
Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
How many emos like anagrams?
Some.
What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?
Emold.
What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?
They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.
What do you call flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who cares, let them cry in the dark.
Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?
It was the Happy Meal.
Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.
“Emo cake?” says the baker. ”What exactly is it?”
Anthony says, “It’s the cake that cuts itself.”
How do you pull an emo from a tree?
Cut the rope.
What’s the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?
They’re both white and flavorless.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What do you call an obese emo teen?
An edgelord.
Recommended: Fat Jokes
What do you call a gang of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
How are cats and emos different from one another?
The cat still has 8 other lives.
Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?
They are playing Fruit Ninja.
What will you call Sonic if he’s an emo?
Sonic the Edgy hog.
Why would the emo swallow a clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Why are Emos still around?
Because the suffering never ends.
What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?
You encourage them.
What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?
A toaster.
What is the favorite game of an emo?
Hangman.
Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?
So it could cut itself.
A group of friends started an emo salsa band.
They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.
What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?
Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.
So, a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says, “Is there a problem, boyoh?”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!” The man replies, “I’m a leprechaun.”
“Really?” says the man.
“That’s right. And I’ll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooper.”
“Anything I want?! Three of them?” replies the man.
“Anything in your wildest dreams, boyoh, but you have to let me finish.”
The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts it in. Thrusting back and forth, he asks for the man’s first wish.
“I want a giant yacht!”
“Aye,” says the leprechaun. “It’s pulling into your own private harbor now.”
“For my second wish, I want a billion dollars,” the man says, beginning to sweat.
“Aye, it’s stacked inside the yacht waiting for you,” the leprechaun replies.
“Okay,” the man groans in pain. “For my final wish, I want this yacht to be full of beautiful women.”
“You betcha, boyoh,” says the leprechaun. “The girls are there waiting for you nooWWW,” as he lets out a moan of pleasure.
The man, exhausted and sore, says, “That was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?”
The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: “Aren’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?”
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."
Tony jumps off.
"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."
Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."
Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."
Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
Momma's House-By-watersharky Productions and Dustin Lynch- I see your face on every street, every corner, couple trees. Even got her name on 'em. I feel your love, I hear your laugh, got them take me way on back. Hurt me memories, I don't want 'em. Up and down the boulevard. In and out of every bar. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. I would start it where we started, at the downtown party Where you kissed my lips and stole my beer. The city park in the dark where we looked up at the stars Watched them fireworks pop last year. It started under that Texaco sign where you said goodbye I'd get some gas and drop a match right there. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Fire red flames, sunsets in the sky Going out, staying in, staying up long nights. Now I'm waking up alone, wishing I could move on Blocked your number in my phone, thought it help but it don't. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house.
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.