Why jokes
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
He doesn’t know where home is.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They have got no home to run to.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't go home.
Why do Asians abandon their children?
They're bad at math.
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?
Why did the butt fart?
Because they don't know the words.
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he wanted to FIND his way to the TOP.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because there they have a father.
Why are apples and orphans the same?
They always get picked on.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
Q. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
A. Because it has a silent pee.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."