Why can't England play chess?
Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.
Why Jokes
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
Why are women’s feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
Why are lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?
It's the only way they’ll get love.
Why were the Twin Towers angry on 9/11?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got instead was plane.
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
