When jokes
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies? Windows plays the shutdown music.
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
Bonjour all ;-) , nd here a frog ( French) joke lol.
Qui a inventé le mètre et qui a inventé le centimètre? (Who invented the meter, and who invented the centimeter?)
Answer: Adam à inventé le mêtre, parce qu'il voulait le (mettre) de dans... (Adam invented the meter because he wanted to put it in).
Eve à inventée le centimetre, parce qu'elle voulait, le sentir-metre (centimetre) Eve invented the centimeter, because she wanted to feel it when going in...
Most annoying thing...
When we send something in WhatsApp thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks...
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.