Whats jokes
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
What is brown and sticky?
The leftovers of the iceberg.
What begins in F and ends in UCK?
Fire truck.
What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.
What do you call a herd of winning cows?
A topside.
What da dog doin'?
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?
After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?
They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
What was Hellen Keller's dog's name?
Durrrrrrrr.
I saw my girlfriend walking by. I told her, "Wow, you look so beautiful!" and then we started to talk. Then someone came behind me. She said, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm flirting," and I remember I was talking to my mom, and my girlfriend was HER MOM, which is my sister, but my girlfriend/sister IS MY WIFE, but my mom is my wife too. Looks like I'm getting a divorced but which one, my girlfriend [or] my mom?
What's 2+2? FORE-head.
What is the gassiest planet? Uranus.
What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.