Whats jokes
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
Like if you laugh.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient times?
Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
What do you call a disabled kid on fire?
Hot wheels.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
What do you call a bunch of retarded preschoolers? Tater tots.
What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
They both have a history of separating colors.