What's long, hard, and bloody?
The Boston Marathon.
Whats Jokes
What is a pedophile's favorite piano note?
A Minor.
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.
Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas."
What do you call an Indian? Indiana Jones.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
What's the difference between a retard and a normal person?
A normal person is not named Josh Wakling.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Q: What happens when an Asian with an erection walks into a wall?
A: He breaks his nose.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?
Spaghett-hehe.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
What's a building's first crush? A plane.
