Whats jokes
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
What's the difference between America and a flash drive?
One is USA, the other is USB. 😂😂😂
What's the difference between America and a flash drive?
One is USA and the other is USB! 😂😂😂
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Pssh.
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
What do you call a bunch of llamas?
Alpaca llama.
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
What song does Saturn sing?
"If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
What was Stephen Hawking's pet?
A hawk.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.