Welcome

Welcome jokes

Gun

    • A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"

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    • Rhyme

    • I love to have sex. And my name is Lex. Which one should I be with next? I really hate my ex. I just saw a huge T Rex, And I think you probably saw this text.

    Welcome for the rhyme.

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    • Airline food

    • What's wrong with airline food...! They're not black, and they're not people. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahXD!!!!!!!!! You're welcome?

    Welcome memes

    Hitler

    • So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

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    • Cultural misunderstanding

    • A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

    He bought a home on a small piece of land.

    The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

    He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

    Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

    Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

    Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

    A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

    The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

    The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

    "What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

    "Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"

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    • Kitchen

    • Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?

    Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!

    Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!

    Misunderstanding

    • Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

    Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

    Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

    So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

    Fire

    • There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

    When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

    She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

    54 students died that day.

    Tattoo

    • Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

    But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

    Rule

    • Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

    Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

    Kid: I don't know.

    Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

    Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

    *Officer arrests Elmo*

    Elmo: But who wants tickles?

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