Welcome Jokes

Harry Hardnut

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make em, we scrape em. No fetus can beat us.

1
Anonymous

Son: Dad, why did name my sister Paris? Dad: Because she was made there. Son: Thanks, Dad. Dad: You’re welcome, Backseat.

4
Noah

Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome

4
Dat fat kid at school
in Orphan

When someone calls you say this, Hi Welcome to Dave’s Orphanage, You make them We take them how may I help you! :)

Mummy

Hi, Welcome to Dave’s Orphanage you make them we take them how may I help you?

5
Mike Hunt
in Bin Laden

Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!

Allan C.
in Airport

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

Anonymous
in Finger

All school meetings introductions:

Grade School; “Welcome Girls and Boys!”

Middle School; “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”

High School; “Fingerers and fingerees,”

Anonymous
in Orphan

Welcome to daves orphanage. You make it We take it

3
Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.
in Priest

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

Anonymous

Welcome to ____ pizzeria and abortion clinic where your loss is our sauce

kid toutcher
in Orphan

imagine getting a call and it says "welcome to Davids orphanage you make them we take them how may we help you.

Anonymous

Welcome to arbys, where your babies become our gravy!

Red Jason

My freind said he wanted to die and I told him not to jump but when he screamed hi im jhonny Knoxville and welcome to jackass I knew it was over

Anonymous

Hi welcome to David’s sperm bank you Jack it we pack it how may I help you?

WELCOME TO THE FAST FOOD DIVORCE CENTER WHERE YESTERDAYS LIES ARE TODAYS FRIES

panda devil
in Kid

johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a bitch and bastard.” dad say “a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.

9

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.

Paul F.C
in Nun

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where saint Peter greets them hello sisters welcome to heaven before you enter I must ask you all a question he asks the first nun have you ever touched a penis well she said just once with the tip of my little finger ok dip it in the holy water and you can enter he repeats the question to the second nun well she says I might of held one once ok says st Peter wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter just then there’s a commotion down the line one nun is trying to push in front of another st Peter says sister Susan there is no rush you will get in that’s fine she replys but if I have to gargle that stuff I want to get in before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.

ImaJoke

“Welcome to mama mia’s pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last weeks lost is this weeks sauce.”