My "overweight" friend and me were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly dude?
Me: *annoyed*Jason when you stepped on the scale this morning it asked for you're weight not you're phone number.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them
whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo a hippo is really heavy a zippo is a little lighter
I'm looking for women put your height weight and bra size in the comments
There are three men walking down the road and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm there is a cow a monkey and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money and the farm is going out of business. One of the men's sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest but it's so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them in suggested that they put a cork up the cows behind. The first guy says okay then go put a cork there. I don't want to do it you do it no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it. And the monkey puts the cork in the couch behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm. The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of cow. Guys we need to take the cork out of the cow he says. Well I'm not going to do it you do it, no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it again. So the monkey uncorks a cow. And there was a huge explosion.... a few days later the three men wake up in the hospital. The doctor walks up to the first man what happened he asks the first man replies all I remember is that a horrible sound. The doctor walks up to the second man and asks what happened. All I remember is that horrible smell.... The doctor walks up to the third man and again ask the same question. The third man looks at him and says all I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her a onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hoola hoop
Two people walk down the road one sais to the other mitch we past weight watchers 2 minutes ago he responds jake the noodle shop is just here you been carrying that shit on your head for 14 years
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with " i need your weight not your phone number"
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
