When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
I keep getting ads about belly fat.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!
Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?
